I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
