Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He felt like a one man threesome
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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