If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
