So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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