I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
