you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
