dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
3pm strippers are depressing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
