They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
