franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
