Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
