i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wear drunk well.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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