please come you make the beer taste better
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
