sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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