just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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