Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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