im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize