we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize