I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
