member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
