the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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