What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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