She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
