Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize