He had one of those small greek statue penises
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
