every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
