I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
