It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
