I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
