there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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