her vagine was all disorganized.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
