i can't believe i had my finger in that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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