She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
