I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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