im holly from the hills drunk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
