it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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