WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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