I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize