ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
