her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
