Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
vagina is talking i cant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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