There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
