I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
