So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
