all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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