There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
