We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
