she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
