Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
