Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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