We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
