my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
