if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
