haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
