My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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