how can u be prego again
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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