how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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