we have pet lesbian snakes
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize