i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We left the knife in your bed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
