Porn is love you can see.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
