Will you blow on my dice?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize