Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize