My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
