I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
