Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
