So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
