rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do vagina's smell?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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