I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
