dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
