well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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